Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
