so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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