she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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