Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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