Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
