It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
