Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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