Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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