Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
