so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Randomize
