We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
