I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
