ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
