i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
