My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
