after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
