Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
