How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
