I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
