He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
