I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
