Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
