I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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