Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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