My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
