when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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