and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
