the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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