so that wasnt chicken after all
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
