I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
