i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We are all done wearing pants today
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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