I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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