if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
