I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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