fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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