I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You may now shotgun with the bride
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
