I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
