When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
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I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
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just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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