Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
