his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
