i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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