I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
