I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
