Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Holy shit dude........stairs
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
