I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
