I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
