She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
