then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
