This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
