thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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