I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
