Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
