You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
