I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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