tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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