like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
