Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
