paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
