god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
No subtext here. People are naked.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
