I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
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it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
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That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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