She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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