Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
