If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
The ass gains better be worth it
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize