Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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