Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
