Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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