eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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