I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
