cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she told me i tasted like america
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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