I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
