this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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