Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
