The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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