so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
