He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
