Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
