So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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