Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
