i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
