he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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