...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Tornado booty call.. dedication
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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