i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
