haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Barsexuality is the new black.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
